yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Randomize
