I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
