i wish peter jackson would direct porn
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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