Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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