i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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