Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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