A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Actions speak louder than pants.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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