I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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