What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
