I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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