based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
