Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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