Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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