I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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