Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
only you would photoshop your dick
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
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