There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
