Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
