If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
