I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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