dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
