anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
