They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
