you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
