i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
