Apparently you make a good broom.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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