I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
