This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Randomize
