remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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