we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
