All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
