dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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