I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
