Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
