Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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