omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
