Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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