If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
