A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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