it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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