Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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