that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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