i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
