this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
