careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
