So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize
