So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
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Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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