Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
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