I think I am morally bankrupt
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
