she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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