we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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