ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
