Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
