Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
We had sex on a dog bed..
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
