my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
