I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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