Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
