I have demons in me.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
