I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
