You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
