My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Randomize
