well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
