i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
