I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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