yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
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