im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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