I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
