I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
