He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
