Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
