Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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